Oh my heck guys,  I do apologise for everything and the long awaited reply. I have been so busy and I lost my net for a while.  And I went over to help out in Louisiana and everything.  I do hope that you understand.

I think I am dealing with this better now.  Its never easy but I have had some massive support around me to keep me motivated. 

The baby is doing fine.  Angel Alexis is what I named her in case no one knew.  She is already a month old.  It's been so fun.  I go to the gym to keep myself active and energized for the day.  the other kids are doing well.  Devin will return to school this Monday.  Aww bugger.  Cailin hasnt started school yet.  I will have her and the baby to attend to while Devin is in school.

My mom has been here to help me out with the kids and everything.  And so has Aunt Cass.  It's been really good.  And of course, without God, I wouldnt be here.  I am so thankful for His love.  He has got me thru so much.  Without God, I don't even know where I would be right now.

I broke down in tears when hearing this song on the radio:

Mercy Me - Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

Sorry for the lack of updates.  The baby was born a bit early on July 7th.  Angel Alexis is her name. Shes beautiful.  We are both doing fine now.  But I know I have a bit of depression now.

I love this song.  I am not much of a country fan but I love it.  Lonestar - Amazed.  It was a song we slow danced to at our wedding! 

Anthony was just the quirkiest fellow I ever met.  He would sometimes write me letters.. and leave them on my pillow or somewhere he knew I would see them. I wanted to share this cute one with you.

It has been a while.  Where have I been and what have I been doing?  Well, I was trying to find myself again thru my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.  Without Him, I dont know how I am getting thru this.  I have had immense love and support from so many people in the community. So many thank you letters and cards... so many flowers sending love and condolences.  So many people loved Anthony.  Some of the letters say that I cant open them.  So I gather them up and put them in a box which will be buried in his backyard he loved so much as a child.  The others I open and read outloud hoping he can hear me read them.  I wanted to share one with you that truely touched my heart:

I knew little of Anthony, physically.  But I knew his heart so well.  He cared and his care and love was truely the love of a Christian.  If anyone was to ask me what an example of a Christian would be, it would be this man.  It broke my heart to learn of his death.  To me it was so sudden. I never knew he was ill.  He put all his worries aside when he listened to my troubles and fears.  He seemed so full of life. Life full of the Light of Christ.  I dont think I could ever thank him enough for the many days on end he spent praying for me and the others at the shelter.  Or the hours that he made room for to listen and let me know that he cared. I lived so many nights out in the cold in the streets, seeing many people passing me by wondering if they even see me or care.  Anthony saw me and told me that there was a place for me.  A place that was warm and a place I was welcome to stay.  I was fed, clothed, bathed... and sheltered.  Truely, a man of God would only do these things for a person such as me.  Personally, I wanted to write this letter to tell him how grateful I am.  He got me back on my feet and into the real world.  I have a job.  I attend church again.  I will start school soon and get my education.  I have met someone who I love.  And it's all because Anthony believed in me and set me back into God's direction.  I only hope that I can someday return the favor.  God Bless.

I know all Anthony ever saw of himself was a mere man helping to spread the love of God. What I loved most about Anthony was that he never forced God on anyone.  So this person who wrote this was truely touched just by his example.  

This is a song Anthony loved:

Making His home with the lonely
Spending His days with the poor
Bringing hope to thier hearts
Giving man a new start
With His cure

But not all would receive of his offering
Some even planned his decease
And yet he couldn't forsake
Those whose lives He might save
So He refused to leave

Never a better hero
Never a truer man
Hoping to save us
By taking our pain in His hands
Never a greater compassion
Never a wasted day
Not one regret
True to the end
There was never a better way

Now He knew his life would be shortened
But never murmured a word of complaint
For He had in mind
A much greater design
And it helped Him through the pain

Instead of leaving everyone offlines on everyones yahoo or sending out emails, I will update here.

Things are kind of quiet now.  I dont hear the humming of his machines or his sweet music playing lightly as he sits in bed.  It seems strange to me to come home from whatever I was doing and not have him greet me with a welcomed smile or warm greeting.  I honestly must say, that it came so quick.  I saw his health slipping and one day he was so full of life.. the next he could barely walk. This was almost instantly.  When we moved to Wales, he had gotten his medication he needed so badly... but I knew in my heart that it wouldnt save him. But I think it gave him a sense of comfort to know that at least he was taken care of for a while. He suffered from pneumonia. He seemed to go so suddenly after I had turned his life to God.  That was one of the hardest things for me to do.  I felt so selfish and stubborn.  His Aunt kept telling me, Alexa he's ready to go.  Even he told me. I just didn't want him to leave.  But one day I woke up crying and prayed and said to God that Anthony's life was in His hands.  I felt ready to say goodbye. I made sure that I spent every moment by his side those last few weeks.  Sometimes I wouldn't sleep.  Sometimes I would just watch him sleep and listen to his short breathes as he needed help with an oxygen machine.  It was hard for me to see him this way.  It was hard for all of us.  For awhile, he didnt want his kids around to see him so weak and so powerless.  But Devin insisted that he should see his dad.  Devin and Anthony talked a lot the last few weeks.  I am not sure what about.  Devin always wanted to be alone with his father.  Cailin asked a lot of questions.  She was down in America with her dad for a while.  Anthony wanted her there... to say goodbye.  I wasnt sure how to explain to her what happened to her dad.  Anthony would always tell her that he was going away on a trip to see Heavenly Father.  Cailins eyes would get big as she would say "oh daddy! please tell Him that I love Him!" Anthony promised her he would tell Him.  She asked me if he would be back, and I said, you will see him again, I promise.   His machines were turned off and we said goodbye.  I held him as he took his few last breathes. Then it was over.

It's hard for me to write this.  I still need to adapt to the reality of his absence.  Tears keep falling from my eyes as I express this to you all. Sometimes I dont want to believe that he is gone. Physically anyway.  I loved him so much. He changed my life.  He made my life better.  He helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I dont think I honestly knew what love between 2 people was until I met him.  I dont know how life can exsist without his love.  But I keep turning to God.  Knowing that He will get me thru this. I know that Anthony is in a better place.  A place with no pain or hurt.  A place that is so beautiful beyond comprehension.  I cant imagine living a life not knowing how wonderful God truely is.  I cant imagine living a life never knowing or thinking that death is the end of everything. That once you die, that there is nothing else.  No God.  No eternal love.  What would be the purpose of life if all there was to do was to die? Would there be any reason to try to be happy.. to help others.. if all you thought happened in the end was being buried 6 feet under? I dont want to know.  My life is beautiful as it is.  And Anthonys was as well.  I know he is serving God beyond this physical earth.  God has need of him there now. 

Comments are welcome.  Thank you.

Hello friends and family~

It's been 10 days since Anthony has passed on.  I am in America for a while now living with his Aunt Cass.  I will probably move to California to be with my parents for a while.  They will help raise the baby and etc.  I am leaving this jorunal open for comments or thoughts or remarks from people who knew Anthony.  All of them are appreciated. Even if you are no longer his friend... words are appreciated....

The funeral was really good. So many people came.  It seems that everybody loved him. And those who didnt, they really missed out on a great friendship.  He was just an amasing person.  He would of done anything for anybody. 

I will update more in a while. I need to get settled with the kids.

Thank you. God Bless.

Hey guys, this is Alexa. Anthony isnt up to writing much these days. He asked me to come on here and post updates on him for you guys.  I am not sure what to say. I dont know what he has told any of you.  I do know that he is kind of quiet about his problems.  I suppose he does that because he doesnt want people worrying about him. As well, I think posting things on the internet for a lot of people to see kind of made him feel uncomfortable.

This is actually quite an amasing opportunity for me to really express some things to all of you. 

First of all, thank you.  For your kind words.  For the time you spent to say a friendly hi.  For your thoughts.  For your prayers.  For everything.  We cannot thank you enough for the moments that you have been there for us.   It has meant so much to us that you were a part of our lives somehow.  We love you all.  Sincerely and eternally.

I am not sure how close some of you are to Anthony.  He speaks fondly of so many people he knows.  I dont know if he ever really spoke badly about anyone. He still doesnt.  He loves God so much.  Everyday, even when he has no strength he gets on his knees and prays to the Father.  The first thing I usually hear him say is how grateful he is.  To live life and see things as they happen. 

Anthony is such a gentle soul.  He has a big heart.  And he definately has sacrified himself for so many people.  There were times that I remember him not buying medication so the kids at the center could have food or something important.  He spent so much of himself for God in the firt part of our marriage.  I rarely saw him but I understood and I knew it was for God. He always apologised at the end of the day for his absence.  I would usually just smile and tell him that I still loved him no matter what. 

I saw him change so much in the little time that I have known him.  When i first approached him he was this hurting soul who felt like he needed answers.  At the same time that he was struggling, I was too.  I was lost in a city that was filled with so much evil. I needed someone to sheltre me from satan.  Pardon the metaphor, but its kind of true. For some reason, I felt like I must meet him.  Everyday him and I worked a few cubicles away.  And everyday I would leave him little notes with bible verses or thoughts.  I am sure that I annoyed him with those little post it notes all over his desk. And one day he came up to me and said why are you doing this me?  Dont you know that I dont want to meet any more women?  I told him that I just wanted to be a friend.  So, I guess it worked.  I took him to the Grammys about 3 years ago.  Our first official date.  He wasnt completely himself that day.  The night before, he cut himself in an attept to take his life.  He tried to cover it with a long sleeve shirt.  I never said anything but I sensed hurt.  I just kept offering my love and friendship. Hoping that maybe he would love himself.  That night he told me that he had HIV. I guess that I was overwhelmed.  I began to cry and he said to me that I shouldnt cry because there is nothing that can be done now.

We had our first kiss by the elevator at our work a few months later. It was sort of awkward but it was still magical to me.  We got married in November of 2003 and as they say, the rest is history.